While the natural instinct is to be eternally grateful for the suits at TNT Sports who looked at Rio Ferdinand vacantly as he explained to them his grand planto simply merk everyone but harder and possibly also while sportswashing, it was especially fortunate that he was not on duty at the Bernabeu on Tuesday night.

Going by the rising incredulity in Steve McManaman’s voice as he begged to know what Andriy Lunin was doing when passing the ball to Thiago Pitarch despite the midfielder already being flanked by three Bayern Munich players in his own area, it was for the good of Ferdinand’s health that he removed himself from the equation.

The same goes for the viewers, who were spared a backing track of Ferdinand repeating “Ballon d’Or” for 90 minutesas Real Madrid and Bayern Munich played out a Champions League quarter final first leg of absurd quality and inanity.

Luis Diaz’s opening goal was glorious in its simplicity, the Colombian activating three-and-a-half season’s worth of muscle memory from Liverpool training sessions to capitalise on a sleeping Trent Alexander-Arnold, running beyond his former teammate to latch onto a Serge Gnabry through ball and finish exquisitely.

Harry Kane doubled Bayern’s lead with an exceptional strike, his first from outside the area in the Champions League, within 20 seconds of the restart.

Alexander-Arnold atoned for his earlier mistake by confirming this to be a microcosm of his career in one evening with a sumptuous ball across for Kylian Mbappe to convert with a quarter of an hour remaining.

And Manuel Neuer produced a series of excellent saves to give Bayern a slender lead heading into next week’s second leg.

The most played fixture in European competition offered a platform for moments of individual majesty which a great many took. Kane dropped deep to devastating effect; Michael Olise embarrassed Alvaro Carreras more than once; Jude Bellingham shifted the momentum from the bench; Mbappe even tracked back to win the ball in his own box at one point.

But on the other side of that coin was: Carreras losing the ball on the halfway line before Kane’s goal; Vinicius Junior bottling a one-on-one when confronted with the sweeperiest keeper in the land, Neuer; Alexander-Arnold being dispossessed and jogging back immediately after his stunning assist; and Bayern spurning a host of massive chances, including two when unmarked and about five yards out.

It was the sublime to the ridiculous, often oscillating seamlessly in the same phase of play. And every instance of the former would’ve been “Ballon d’Or”‘d into oblivion by Ferdinand.

The 20 shots apiece could have generated any manner of scoreline, but a 2-1 away win did feel a fair reflection. Vincent Kompany coached that game, while it seemed to happen to Alvaro Arbeloa. And Real Madrid being as they are at this stage of the Champions League, that reliance on moments and flair almost worked.

But they will need a great deal more to reverse this deficit at the Allianz Arena, to breach Bayern while containing their ludicrous attack. They should not be able to lean on pure vibes to carry them through, although it cannot be ruled out entirely.

Real Madrid have done some preposterous things in this daft competition, and while they were second-best here, Kane’s post-match point that “it can change really quick” was basically underlined by Mbappe’s goal when they seemed to be in control of the tie.

It still promises to be a biblically brilliant season for the boyhood Arsenal fan who might sit atop his Ballon d’Or thronewith Spurs in the Championship.